It’s Day 4 of our Week of Clockwork Princess and we are now just 4 DAYS away from the release of Clockwork Princess.
And we want to make sure that you’re prepared for March 19.
Megan and myself have put together a Clockwork Princess Survival Guide that we think will help you.
CLOCKWORK PRINCESS SURVIVAL GUIDE
by Alyssa and Megan
Tumblr = NO. It is notorious for spoiling books!
An endless supply of tissues, obviously. Though somehow it still won’t be enough
A stuffed animal to cling to for dear life. But be careful, you don’t want to accidentally rip off a limb if you get angry with the book. No real animals as they will suffer as you suffer.
Aspirin or ibuprofen. For Headaches and heartaches, only set aside a FEW pills of asprin then hide the bottle. NO OD’ing!
Eye drops. Because your crying eyes won’t make it 592 pages without them
No need for make-up. It’s a waste of good reading time and it will only make the end result worse. If you do happen to be in public remember three words: Water Proof Mascara.
Hide all sharp objects prior to reading. No need to chance things. Trust us. It’s not worth it!
Hide your phones before reading. No ruining the book for others no matter what. We mean it! Turn it all the way off! No Twitter, no text, no calls.
Don’t read near windows. As much as you will want to throw the book out the window, you will want to read it again.
Keep a charger for your e-reader close by. Imagine your OTP is going in for the kiss and your e-reader shuts off. You absolutely cannot chance your e-reader dying during any point in this book.
Caffeine to stay awake. You probably won’t need it with this book, but what the hell?
Do not disturb sign. There is no need for the mundanes to see what is going on in your room as you’re reading. THEY WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND.
Reading music. If outside forces distract you easily. Make a playlist of music (like soundtracks) to keep you focused this can also give you a good sound for the action in the book.
Comfortable black clothes. Because Shadowhunters look better in black even when they are crying hysterically.
Snacks. Meals are not an option, but you can’t starve yourself (that comes later!) make sure you keep snacks nearby to keep your energy up.
A Tale of Two Cities. Because why the hell not?! Oh, the Will Herondale feels.
Google translate for all those confusing Latin, Welsh, Chinese and other phrases that pop up. Some of those phrases will be important. You will want to know what they mean.
Alcohol. To drown out your sorrows during and after reading. If you don’t drink, try ice cream. Skip the bowl. Eat right out of the carton.
Chocolate. For those underage and not. Lots of chocolate!
Iratze. Apply over the heart liberally. There will be plenty of healing needed.
Bucket for your tears. Remember this is where Cassandra Clare gets her power for writing. Collect your tears and ship them off to Cassie as a thank you gift.
Physical copy of Clockwork Princess. You’ll need it to read the family tree when you’ve finished the book once your sobbing has subsided a little.
Phone book. For your nearest therapist and/or mental institution where you might meet some local fans you didn’t know were in your area. Group therapy, anyone?
A shoulder to cry on. Clockwork Princess is not something to experience alone you will need to talk to someone about the feels you are going through
Make a reading plan. Know who to contact and what to say to that person when finished reading. Keep in mind that person MAY NOT have finished the book in such cases Bite a pillow until they have notified you of their completion
Do not operate a motor vehicle as emotional trauma as result of Clockwork Princess may result in physical damage to you and/or others
Paper bag. In case of hyperventilation. We can’t have anyone passing out and missing hours of good reading time!
Sunglasses. In case you plan on going out in public after completion of Clockwork Princess. The mundanes, again, WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND.
Tumblr = After. This is where you will find the most support, but be courteous to others and tag all of your posts as Clockwork Princess spoilers, as well as “read more” for those that did not take our previous warning about avoiding Tumblr.
The Mortal Instruments. To fill the void and repeat this process just in time for City of Heavenly Fire in March 2014.
With this survival guide we aim to help better your reading experience. Though we are not responsible for any tears, heartbreak and pain that will come from reading Clockwork Princess. That’s all Cassandra Clare.
Remember to send those buckets of tears. Just remember that all of us at TMI Source will be suffering along with you.
Ave Atque Vale and we’ll see you on the other side.