We at TMI Source have put together a Survival Guide to City of Heavenly Fire that we think will help you. Or at the very least give you a good laugh. Trust us, you’re going to need it before and after this book.
A SURVIVAL GUIDE TO CITY OF HEAVENLY FIRE
by TMI Source
Tumblr = NO. It is notorious for spoiling books!
You might as well unplug the internet altogether: No Twitter. No Tumblr. No Facebook. NOTHING.
Paper towels: Let’s be honest tissues aren’t gonna cut it
Warn those around you i.e. family, roommates, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, that you will be irrationally angry and sad and emotionally unhinged for a month or longer
Keep a charger nearby: Imagine one of the character’s lives hangs in the balance and right as you find out their fate the power dies and your soul along with it
Scotch tape: For those accidental ripping out of pages you just don’t want to believe are true
Eye drops: Trust us, you’re going to need them
No need for make-up. It’s a waste of good reading time and it will only make the end result worse. If you do happen to be in public remember three words: Water Proof Mascara.
Water: Your tears need to replenish somehow
A copy of City of Bones: So you can start over immediately deny that its over at all costs
Aspirin or ibuprofen: Stick with the 10-ct just to be safe
Alcohol (for those legal): But even that won’t be enough to drown out the hurt
Chocolate: Nuf said
Sunglasses: But let’s face it there’s no hiding those big puffy eyes
A pillow or stuffed animal: To hold. Or rip apart. Whichever comes first
Don’t listen to the audiobook in public: We know this from personal experiences with Clockwork Princess
White Clothing: For obvious reasons
Your Happy Place: Because you’re going to want to live there after all of this
A reservation at your local asylum: Maybe you’ll meet fellow Shadowhunters? Actually, that’s quite likely.
Just don’t go outside: Social interaction is not a good idea. You don’t want this: “Did you find everything in the store you were looking for?” “WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE OVER? WHY? WHY?!” or “Ma’am do you know why I pulled you over?” “Probably because if Malec can’t be together then I don’t deserve to live?”
Your Will and Testament: Because you might not make it through this book without dying of massive internal feels
Support group: No seriously you need a close friend you can cry to
Tumblr = After. This is where you will find the most support, but be courteous to others and tag all of your posts as City of Heavenly Fire spoilers, as well as “read more” for those that did not take our previous warning about avoiding Tumblr.
So how do you survive City of Heavenly Fire? You don’t.
With this survival guide we aim to help better your reading experience. Though we are not responsible for any tears, heartbreak and pain that will come from reading City of Heavenly Fire. That’s all Cassandra Clare.
Just remember that all of us at TMI Source will be suffering along with you.
Ave Atque Vale and we’ll see you on the other side.